What to say...

I have so much running through my head that I get jumbled easily (ADD I guess).  I could start with Halloween.  I'ts not my favorite holiday.  This year had new meaning though.  I found myself getting really excited.  I bought Oliver a costume and then had to get out some decorations and then had to buy candy and then had to buy three pumpkins.  I thought it would be cute to have a big pumpkin for Mike, a medium one for me and a small one for Ollie.  They made me smile every time I saw them...  I have a family now :)  We waited so long to get here and now that it's real, it's wierd.  I still have a hard time saying I am a Mom.  HOLY COW, it freaks me out.  I have such a responsibility and am a completely different person.  Everything I do is now for him.

Pregnancy was amazing!  The first part was hard being sick and tired but soooo worth it.  I cried every time he moved or I thought about him.  I just couldnt beleive it.  We talked about adopting for a while and I would have if we had to wait much longer but... I couldn't imagine missing out on pregnancy now.  Now that it's over I miss it.  When people said that I thought they were crazy.  I have forgotten most of it already but wont forget the pain for a little longer.

I am still trying to repress most of Oliver's first two months.  Infants were never really my thing.  It was ROUGH to say the least.  The pain, sadness, depression, love, fear, nursing and crying was too much.  The only thing that kept me going was family support.  Mike would take him after I just couldnt take anymore.  Then when we both were done, Mom and Dad were amazing.  Even at 6 am they would take him so we could get some sleep.  I will never forget holding him after he fell asleep and just staring at him.  I would bawl becuase it hurt how much I loved him.  I would make a wish every night, "please make me a better mom".  Needless to say I would keep kleenex next to the couch (my bed for 6 weeks).  I quit nursing when I dropped a glass bottle full of 3oz of milk that took me two days to pump.  I swore a lot and then cried all night.  It was actually nice to have Mike and family help feed him.  I eventually got over the guilt of not providing him the best milk and time to bond.  There are perks of both.

 

We have a routine now and I feel like I can handle things better.  When the post-partum got better it was such a difference.  I could enjoy him and enjoy being a mom.  Whew!!!!  I thought it would never get better.  Poor kid had to deal with me being so honry all the time.  My favorite thing in the world is to give him a bath and put him to bed.  His cute little naked body and huge smile make me melt every time.  People keep telling me to puit him down awake so he can learn to fall asleep that way.  I just cant do it.  I love rocking him to sleep, singing and constinstally kissing his face.  I never knew I was a musician but I make up songs and hum.  Sooo funny cause that is not me.  I also now have my favorite children's book memorized, "The Going to Bed Book".  My girls (Kendall and Morgan) wrote Ollie a message in the front.  So cute!

Oliver was blessed to have his Aunt Jenn be his nanny for the summer.  I still call her Nanny Jenn.  I dont know what we would have done without her.  She is amazing and has such a way with him.  He loves her so much!  I went back to work with no worries.  I knew she would care for him as if he was her own.  I will never forget Jenn.  Love you!!!!

Kathy, Courtney's mom watches him now and she is great.  It is hard to get him to West Jordan when we live in Holladay and work downtown/woods cross but I would die if I had to take him to daycare.  Luckily Mike drops him off and picks him up.  Thanks babe!  It just seems like daycare employees dont care about kids like Kathy cares for Ollie.  He has a blast playing with Wiatt and Conner all day and always comes home with a smile.  That means a lot to me.  Every morning I ask him if he is ready to go play.

Wow, that is a lot.  Not even a quarter of what I want to write but another day :)